REDUCTRESS
*pieces by Editor include Bahler's original headline but the editor's writing of the body
DIY Queen! This Woman Gave Herself a UTI
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Empath? Woman Watching Porn Feels Horny
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How I Use My Communications Degree by Texting at Work
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Tarot Cards Just Therapy Roulette
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I LIVED IT: I Wanted Unsolicited Parallel Parking Advice
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Aww! This Dog Learned to Communicate With Buttons and Asked to Die
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How to Exude Confidence Even Though All You Say Is ‘What?’
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I LIVED IT: My Watch Asked If I Was Working Out But I Was Just Wiping
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Aw! This Woman Would Rather Ruin Eight Pairs Of Underwear Than Wear One Fucking Panty Liner
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QUIZ: Will This Iced Coffee Give You Anxiety, Diarrhea, or a Will to Live?
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4 Clogs That’ll Have Everyone Thinking, ‘Here Comes a Little Horse’
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How to Get Out of a Speeding Ticket By Explaining You Were Listening to ‘The Winner Takes It All’
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Girlboss! This Woman Decided Her Period Was Over Even Though It’s Definitely Not
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Sad! Woman Was Starting to Like This App Until It Asked
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I Might Be Perfect on the Outside, But on the Inside My Socks Are Sliding Down
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Dog Sighing as if He Pays Rent
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How I Broke the Glass Ceiling by Riding the Willy Wonka Elevator Through It
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QUIZ: Are They Actually Toxic Or Do They Just Casually Use the Cry-Laughing Emoji?
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Radical! This Woman Doesn’t Help YouTube Advertisers by Answering a Few Questions
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Hot! This Woman Kept Her Bra on During Sex to Make It Seem Like a Movie
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Benjamin Button? This Carrot is Now a Baby
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Woman Deep in Thought Just Singing the Chicken Wing Song
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Self-Care Queen! This Woman Sometimes Changes Her Bong Water
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3 Pairs of Dishwashing Gloves That Say, ‘Those Chickens Are Up to Something’
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How to Actively Listen and Not Just Think About GoDaddy Being Named GoDaddy
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Annoying White American Thinking About Becoming Annoying White Canadian
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How to Manifest a Dump-Truck Ass
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I LIVED IT: I Invited Three Strangers to My Wedding and One of Them Might be My Dad
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Luddite? This Woman Doesn’t Kiss Thru the Phone
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Can You Guess How Many Tampons Are Inside This Woman?
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Cat Doing Nothing Somehow Giving Us Everything
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Why I Don’t Go to Therapy and Just Watch Frasier Re-Runs Instead
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Why I’m Staying at Home Unless You Have a Boat
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Classy! This Woman Shits With Her Legs Crossed
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Wow! Every Alcohol Affects This Woman Differently, But All Of Them Make Her Cry
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Person You Don’t Know Has Their Instagram On Private???
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I’m Not Like Other Girls, I’m Immunocompromised
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The Only Ass This Woman is Eating is Pirate’s Booty
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Well, Ruby Tuesday Really Hit The Spot For Dad
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4 Adult Card Games That Are Fun But Not As Fun As If You All Just Fucked
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How to Not Do a British Accent Whenever You Meet a British Person
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Bralette Just a Fancy Training Bra???
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Mom and Dad Met in a Kind of Creepy Way???
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How To Save Money At The Farmer's Market By Just Walking Around Aimlessly With Your Tote Bag
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Yikes! Boyfriend Identifying As ‘Gamer’ Now
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Mom Just Checking In To Make Sure You’re Not Vaping
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I LIVED IT: I Thought I Could Pull Off Saying ‘Cheers!’
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Boyfriend Squeezing Your Boobs To Try To Make You Feel Better
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Girl Boss! This Woman Checks Her Gmail At The Club
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QUIZ: How Old Is Your Niece Again?
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6 Actors With Incredible—Oh, Crap, They’re Scientologists
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OMG: These Taylor Swift Lyrics Might Have Just Revealed She Has Hemorrhoids
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Boyfriend’s Little Sister Wants to Show You Just One Thing on Her iPad
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Boyfriend’s Ugly Shoes Taking Toll on Relationship
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Woman Running with Hair Down???
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Dad Just Wants To Know If You Had To Pay For The Holes In Your Jeans
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Wow! This Man Is Faceblind, Except for When It Comes to Hot People
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How to Stay Humble Even Though People Are Looking At Your LinkedIn Profile
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How to Establish Yourself As the Mom of the Friend Group by Breastfeeding the Whole Gang
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You Can Own Meghan Markle’s Wardrobe! But Prince Harry Will Never Go Down on You
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How to Be Taken Seriously When You Ate Soap and Now Bubbles Come Out Every Time You Talk
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QUIZ: Should You Go To Bed or Start a Fight With Your Republican Aunt on Facebook?
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Today’s Horoscope is Perfect for Justifying Your Bad Decisions
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I’m Not Saying I Ate a Lush Bath Bomb, I’m Just Saying This One Really Looked Like Chocolate
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How to Tell If You’re Gay by Kissing Me, OK? I Found a Quiet Spot Over Here
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I Don’t Care If People Don’t Like Me, I Just Need a List of Who and Why Not
